When is a Relationship Worth Fighting For? – part 1

 

After more than a year together, Casey leaves Taylor.  Taylor wants to stay with Casey.  Should Taylor fight to get Casey back?

broken-couple

 

I think the first question I would ask is: Does Casey want to be with Taylor?

 

If the answer is yes, then perhaps the two could fight the barriers that split them up, working as a team to stay together.

If both people want to be in a relationship, then that relationship
is worth fighting for.

 

 

If Casey has already made a firm decision that it is over between them, then Taylor’s fighting to get Casey back would only make Taylor seem needy, clingy or desperate, while Casey would be further driven away by Taylor’s behavior.

 

Taylor’s more mature reaction would be to accept Casey’s decision.  Regardless of how Taylor feels, if Casey has made a firm decision, Taylor will not be able to change Casey’s mind.

 

This would be straightforward, except that some people don’t always say what they mean.

 

Casey may tell Taylor that its over because Casey wants to see Taylor fight to stay together.  

Casey sees this as proof of the love and commitment that Taylor has for Casey and their relationship.  Taylor works hard to please and placate Casey.

Casey gets the needed reassurance of the strength of their relationship.

 

Casey may tell Taylor it’s over simply to test how much effort Taylor is willing to put in to their relationship.

This could be counterintuitive for Casey  because the question asks,

“I want an end to the relationship.  How much can you accept that as an adult, I know what I want?”  instead of,

“I want to know how important this relationship is to you, and how much effort you will put in to keep us together.”  

 

question-mark

 

Asking the right question is important:

If you need reassurance, ask for reassurance.

If you need a sign of your partner’s love and commitment, ask them.  Tell them that you need it.

If you need time to yourself, tell your partner that.

If you want it to be over, tell your partner that.

and if you ask for it to be over, your partner may construe the relationship to be over.

 

These guidelines could save a lot of heartache, if only they were more common.  Unfortunately, some people don’t say what they mean and don’t speak for what they need.

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